Seven Ways to Make Your Own Money Repellant

All that cash you can make online is sickening, isn’t it? It flits around your head like a cloud of mosquitos, fattening your wallet and getting on your nerves. It has the real chance of becoming a worldwide epidimic, and it must be stopped. So I’m going to grab this bull by the horns and do something about it.

Anyone can avert the tragedy of making their own money online, because anyone can make their own money repellant. It doesn’t take any dangerous chemicals or special skills, because just one of these seven quick and easy to implement methods will help you avoid the burden of potential profits in your online business like a true master.

1.) Don’t collect a list:
If you don’t want to make money online, absolutely refuse to collect a list. That way, you can’t ask the same customers to buy from you again.

2.) Use boring email subject lines:
Even if you’re unfortunate enough to have a list and an effective sales pitch, you still have to get your recipient to open your email. If you use a catchy subject line, there’s a good chance they will, and you’ll be cursed with even more money pouring into your budget. So, to prevent anyone from ever seeing your effective sales pitch, use a dull and boring subject line, and don’t keep a swipe file of examples that caught your attention so you can learn from them.

3.) Limited contact information:
If you’re selling your own products online, having a limited means of identifying and contacting you is all but certain to erase those pesky sales. If by some odd circumstance you actually want to sell your products, remember to make the means of contacting you obvious and easy to find by potential customers.

4.) Malfunctioning mini-sites:
The malfunctioning mini-sites I’ve visited worked this way. I visited, I liked the pitch, and I paid for the product. When I tried to return to the site to claim it, it crashed. This caused me to email its owner in irritation and swear off buying from them again. Being careless and making your mini-site malfuction is an excellent way to chase off future sales, and even inflict forced credit card returns or a damaged reputation on yourself. Should you not wish to use this particular variety of money repellant, remember to test your mini-sites before launching them.

5.) Miserable customer service:
This is one of the best ways to chase money away from any future products you sell. If you become known for consistently delivering inferior customer service, it will make it all but impossible for you to keep a core of repeat buyers for your future ventures. You can be satisfied in the knowledge that not only have you repelled boatloads of irritating money from your business, but that your customers will be turning red and screaming at their computer screens, all because of you.

6.) Look like a spammer:
You don’t even have to be a spammer to repel money, you just have to look like one. Carelessly constructed web pages, barrages of pop-up windows, and writing over images are great ways to look haphazard, unprofessional, and spammy. For an added touch, make the text on your web site too small to read, and visitors who might otherwise have inflicted profits on your online business will flee in disgust as fast as they arrive.

7.) Lie to your customers:
This is a wonderful way to blow your reputation and eradicate any possibility of that irritating cash coming your way again. If you lie to your customers about what your product or service does, or about how well the affiliate you’re promoting works, they’ll think you’re a complete jerk and tell all their friends about you. In extreme circumstances, it might even result in legal action against you, which will relieve you of tons of unwanted money in fines and court fees.

Did I fail to mention one of your favorite ways to make money repellant? Feel free to comment, because together, we can save one more innocent Enetrepreneur from online profits.

Hanukkah Ham Is A Good Example Of Not Knowing Your Market

I saw this last weekend and I thought I should share it with you. For those who don’t know ham is not kosher and, therefore, forbidden to eat as food by religious Jews. “Hanukkah ham” is a great example of not knowing your market.

The person who took this picture (NancyKay Shapiro ) also made quite a splash last week. She was even featured in the national news. She is making the most of it and is selling “Hannukah ham” mugs on cafepress. You can check out her original blog post with her now famous photos by clicking here.

Rich Schefren’s Attention Age Doctrine 2 Is Finally Out

Today, Rich Schefren FINALLY launched The Attention Age Doctrine Part 2. I have been looking forward to reading this for quite some time. I will read it tonight or tomorrow as long as I don’t get distracted

You can get the free report by clicking here.

Apparently, I wasn’t looking forward to part 2 of the Attention Age Doctrine as much as my friend Andrea who made a video about it. Here is her video:

Personally I think Andrea’s video is hilarious. What do you think?

Go download the new ebook from Rich by clicking here and let me know what you think about it.

PS. I was writing this while simultaneously putting my kids to bed, answering email, and checking caller id on my phone… as you might have guessed, I really need to read Rich’s new ebook! I think I will wait until the kids are in bed though…

Dear Google, Bite Me!

I found this funny conversation about the whole Google paid link war (via Andy Beard), and thought I would share it with you:

Composing the Perfect Letter of Surrender

What was even more funny to me is that the conversation sounded similar to the conversation I had with my wife about this topic last week. Which makes me wonder, “Are women less scared of Google than men?”

Anyway, I have to agree with both my wife and Jennifer who said:

Dear Google, bite me!

That about sums it up for me.

Now, it’s time for me to get back to being a sheep in the Googlesphere...

Next Internet Millionaire - Good News and Bad News

Joel Comm has announced the 12 finalists for “The Next Internet Millionaire” and I am kind of bummed that neither Cliff or Andrea made it as one of the 12 finailists. Andrea was the top female vote getter by visitors to the site, but she still didn’t make it. Which was a bit shocking. Andrea made a funny video about her experience that you can see on her blog.

So, what’s the good news… Well, Garry Conn’s friend Thor Schrock made it into the final 12. So that was cool.

Here’s Andrea’s video for those of you who don’t want to see what she wrote about her rejection as well:

You Know You’ve Been Blogging Too Long When…

Hi! I’m Matt Jones the author of Blogging Fingers and I guest blogged this post.

1. Your breakfast consists of dunking chocolate digestives biscuits in your coffee at your computers desk. Each dunk has to be carefully synchronized with starting the computer up, logging in and then opening all the programs you need for blogging (Safari, Mail and iTunes in my case) to ‘save time’, even if it means sacrificing half a soggy biscuit to the coffee for holding it ‘half-dunked’ for too long.

2. You’ve opened a new window/tab and have left a window of a blog you read open and go out of your way to close it just so you don’t mess up that bloggers stats for how long people are staying on their site.

3. When your favorite song reminds you of a blog post you wrote because while writing it you accidentally had iTunes stuck on ‘replay’ and didn’t realize until the 7th listening!

4. Whenever the word ‘blog’ or ‘internet media’ comes up on the evening news you choke on that mouthful of Super Noodles and look up eagerly feeling clever and informed that you know more than the guy on TV.

5. You become able to express yourself better through writing than orally.

Those are a few of the more amusing habits I’ve picked up while blogging. There are a lot more that are pretty mundane. For example, I have become an ‘extreme skim-reader’ (if someone can read ‘extremely’?), which may be great for blogging, but in ‘real’ life remembering only what is absolutely necessary has it’s downside.

Does anyone have anything to add?

Google’s Will

I mentioned earlier that on Garry’s blog I participated in this long conversation on pleasing Google. Well, in the comments of a recent post Rob A. just left the following comment on my blog:

I thought you’d get a kick out of this post I did after going through the pains with a friend of getting a site SERPs stricken from Google. Google Redemption

Oh my goodness, is Rob’s post funny or what?

I especially liked step number 3:

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Google as we understood Him.

and number 11:

11. Sought through prayer (links) and meditation (content) to improve our conscious contact with Google, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for our sites and the power to carry that out

Anyway, the post had me laughing out loud. Check it out and then let me know if you are submitting to the “will of Google” or if you are sinning in Google’s eyes.

Why Did The Internet Marketer Cross The Road?

My kids and I make up jokes all the time. It’s actually part of our bed time ritual. Anyway, my son Adam just got a “Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?” book, and I thought I would share my Internet marketing version of the joke:

Q. Why did the Internet Marketer cross the road?

A. Because that’s where the money was.

Today’s quick lesson…

Go where the money is!

How can you apply that to your online business?

Find a need that is not currently been filled or isn’t being filled as well as you can fill it and go fill it. That’s where the money is.

Pretty simple.

Internet Marketing Tips From Around The Net 6/1/2007

This week I still didn’t manage to read all my favorite blogs. Here are some of the better Internet Marketing blog posts and articles I read this week…

10 Signs That You’re A Lazy Blogger
Kumiko cracks me up sometimes. If I had things to do over I would make this blog more humorous like hers is. I had to include this, because it was so funny!

I Wanna Be a Rich Blogger
This is a good post from Gayla. It echoes some of the sentiments I have seen from many professional bloggers.

I’ve Tried That
I found this new blog called “I’ve tried that” (actually the owner emailed me about it) and I checked it out. Anyway, I think this blog has a lot of potential. The description for the blog says it all, “We lose money so you don’t have to!” Pretty clever. I highly suggest you read the post on sales letters, it is funny (warning:it does contain a little bit of colorful language)

Finding and Connecting With Bloggers and Targeting Blog Audiences
Really good post by Chris on connecting with other bloggers. It reminds me of what I have been doing a lot of the last 6 months.

Networking within your Blog Niche: Seven Essential Tips for Bloggers
While we are on the topic of networking, Maki also wrote a nice article on networking this week. Guess it’s networking week!

The man who owns the Internet
I came across this on accident. It’s a really good article about someone making quite a bit of money online doing something that I am not fond of. However, I don’t find what he is doing to be morally wrong. What do you think of the way he makes his money online?

Create a Project plan in 5 easy steps

I have been working on an action plan for the family business project we are working on and I decided to look to see if I could find a good article on project planning. Since I was already using Microsoft Project to create a timeline for the project, I found this to be a really useful article.

Comedy Relief For Techies

My brother sent this this YouTube video to me over the weekend. It has nothing to do with making money online, but I thought this was so funny that I wanted to share it with you. It’s titled “Medieval helpdesk”.