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Seven Ways to Make Your Own Money Repellant

Written by Ryan Ambrose  · March 19, 2008

All that cash you can make online is sickening, isn’t it? It flits around your head like a cloud of mosquitos, fattening your wallet and getting on your nerves. It has the real chance of becoming a worldwide epidimic, and it must be stopped. So I’m going to grab this bull by the horns and do something about it.

money repellant

Anyone can avert the tragedy of making their own money online, because anyone can make their own money repellant. It doesn’t take any dangerous chemicals or special skills, because just one of these seven quick and easy to implement methods will help you avoid the burden of potential profits in your online business like a true master.

1.) Don’t collect a list:
If you don’t want to make money online, absolutely refuse to collect a list. That way, you can’t ask the same customers to buy from you again.

2.) Use boring email subject lines:
Even if you’re unfortunate enough to have a list and an effective sales pitch, you still have to get your recipient to open your email. If you use a catchy subject line, there’s a good chance they will, and you’ll be cursed with even more money pouring into your budget. So, to prevent anyone from ever seeing your effective sales pitch, use a dull and boring subject line, and don’t keep a swipe file of examples that caught your attention so you can learn from them.

3.) Limited contact information:
If you’re selling your own products online, having a limited means of identifying and contacting you is all but certain to erase those pesky sales. If by some odd circumstance you actually want to sell your products, remember to make the means of contacting you obvious and easy to find by potential customers.

4.) Malfunctioning mini-sites:
The malfunctioning mini-sites I’ve visited worked this way. I visited, I liked the pitch, and I paid for the product. When I tried to return to the site to claim it, it crashed. This caused me to email its owner in irritation and swear off buying from them again. Being careless and making your mini-site malfuction is an excellent way to chase off future sales, and even inflict forced credit card returns or a damaged reputation on yourself. Should you not wish to use this particular variety of money repellant, remember to test your mini-sites before launching them.

5.) Miserable customer service:
This is one of the best ways to chase money away from any future products you sell. If you become known for consistently delivering inferior customer service, it will make it all but impossible for you to keep a core of repeat buyers for your future ventures. You can be satisfied in the knowledge that not only have you repelled boatloads of irritating money from your business, but that your customers will be turning red and screaming at their computer screens, all because of you.

6.) Look like a spammer:
You don’t even have to be a spammer to repel money, you just have to look like one. Carelessly constructed web pages, barrages of pop-up windows, and writing over images are great ways to look haphazard, unprofessional, and spammy. For an added touch, make the text on your web site too small to read, and visitors who might otherwise have inflicted profits on your online business will flee in disgust as fast as they arrive.

7.) Lie to your customers:
This is a wonderful way to blow your reputation and eradicate any possibility of that irritating cash coming your way again. If you lie to your customers about what your product or service does, or about how well the affiliate you’re promoting works, they’ll think you’re a complete jerk and tell all their friends about you. In extreme circumstances, it might even result in legal action against you, which will relieve you of tons of unwanted money in fines and court fees.

Did I fail to mention one of your favorite ways to make money repellant? Feel free to comment, because together, we can save one more innocent Enetrepreneur from online profits.

Seriously, how do you make a beautiful, sellable ebook? Find your answers today with The Ebook Walkthrough!

My name is Ryan Ambrose, and I’m one of the co-authors of Can I Make Big Money Online.



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Comments

5 Responses to “Seven Ways to Make Your Own Money Repellant”

  1. George Manty on March 19th, 2008 6:49 pm

    I have number 8:

    Whenever you find something that works, stop doing it immediately and try something else.

    If a new ad position brings in more money, move the ad somewhere that will make you less money. If you find a system that consistently brings you money, stop doing it and try something else. Never go back to the system that was working. That’s a fool proof way to keep yourself from making money online!

  2. Joseph on March 19th, 2008 9:54 pm

    This is a really funny post, I really enjoyed it. I wish more bloggers had the same sense of humor. Keep them coming.

  3. George Manty on March 20th, 2008 7:10 am

    Joseph,

    Glad you liked it. I love writing humorous posts, so I might have to use Ryan’s post as a reminder to bring more humor and fun to this blog…

  4. Trent Brownrigg on March 20th, 2008 8:18 am

    Great post! Very funny and true.

  5. Rich on August 24th, 2009 6:59 pm

    Voting for Democrats would obviously be another way to rid yourself of any money that you might have available.





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